Fortune Cookies

topic posted Sat, April 8, 2006 - 3:58 PM by  Den die Tote...
This is on Nasty Ass, too, so bear with me. I was thinking about making some fortune cookies... I love to bake, you know... Anyone got any hilarious and/or raunchy fortunes? I want some good stuff, none of that corny shit in the cookies you get at the store. Let's do this for Johnny. Make him proud.
posted by:
Den die Toten reiten schnell...
Atlanta
  • Re: Fortune Cookies

    Sat, April 8, 2006 - 3:59 PM
    I was thinking along the lines of something like "You are a crab-infested rectal wart."
    • Re: Fortune Cookies

      Sat, April 8, 2006 - 3:59 PM
      Good insults.
      • Re: Fortune Cookies

        Mon, April 10, 2006 - 4:37 AM
        My friend got a fortune once that said "You will get some new clothes." I was so completely jealous.
        • Re: Fortune Cookies

          Sat, April 15, 2006 - 2:19 PM
          It looks like your face is going to fall off, so yeah, I would be jealous.
          • Re: Fortune Cookies

            Sat, April 15, 2006 - 4:38 PM
            He's got that face transplant lady on his avatar. That shit is freaky, but some awesome science if you think about it!
            • Re: Fortune Cookies

              Sat, April 15, 2006 - 5:20 PM
              Would you rather have an ugly and/or disfigured face and be able to talk perfectly well or would you rather have raccoon scars around your eyes and face, with a not-so-matching skin tone and slurred, drooly speech? It's awesome science, but I would have stuck with the disfigurement. Better to have them making fun of my disfigurement than to have them making fun of it AND the fact that I drool and can't talk properly.
              • Re: Fortune Cookies

                Sat, April 15, 2006 - 6:48 PM
                I don't remember what the story was but I think the lady had her face chewed off by a dog or something so I guess she just wanted a face. Any face.
                • Re: Fortune Cookies

                  Sat, April 15, 2006 - 6:56 PM
                  Yeah, that's what happened... But... Once again, I'd rather be mutilated than mutilated and have slurred speech/drooling problems, although I deeply admire the woman's courage to take that on... For all she knew, the face could have and might still reject, leaving her faceless and so unspeakably mutilated that I think we'd all fully expect her to kill herself. I wouldn't have taken the risk, because just being mutilated sounds better than either of the other two options to me.
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                    Re: Fortune Cookies

                    Sun, April 16, 2006 - 4:31 PM
                    Dude. Her face was torn OFF. Talk about slurred speech. She'd only be able to say words like SSSSTTTEAaaaKKKKK. I'd rather have a face with slurred speech than a slurred speech and no face.
                    • Re: Fortune Cookies

                      Mon, April 17, 2006 - 8:07 AM
                      Back when I worked on a show for Discover Health there was a reconstructive surgery case that we were using on the show where a woman had her face blown off by her boyfriend. It was horiffic, really horrific. We couldn't even show the before on TV. She wore face bandages wrapped around her head all the time. On top of that she had skin flaps growing where they shouldn't have been and her nose was in the wrong place because the doctors just did whatever they could to salvage the skin and parts and have blood flowing through them so that later if she could be reconstructed they'd have them to work from. A team of doctors were working on putting prostetics and such together to rebuild her face. She was such a sweet lady too. The case gave me nightmares.

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